When I started my career with a news agency, we always had our end of the year specials called ‘year-enders’ or ‘the year that was’. They were summaries on important events of the year in a particular field, say, science, economics, sports, agriculture, etc. With little access to the internet (there was just one computer with net connection), it was a terrible job going through reams of old paper. But these were mostly assigned to the veterans covering the beat. Some of them were pretty good. Like the spelling contest in the US, they could rattle of important events and dates with ease and type away. Sometimes, juniors like me were given some obscure areas if we were lucky enough to take part in this coveted event in the newsroom.
I just thought of my own ‘year that was’ this morning and realised the year just passed so quickly. Here I am towards the end of 2012 and soon will be embracing my 40s with gusto and also entering my fourth year into marriage. There was a time when every 31st of December made me feel like a super loner, I was the token single girl in my group of friends while the rest of men on this earth were wooing women with bended knees and planning their happily ever after. While I enjoyed my parties, I did feel sorry for myself. Being single till late into your 30s was such a failure. But it has been worth the wait. Totally.
Rushing into marriage with the wrong man is a nightmare for me. I had my share of lovely relationships which taught me to grow up emotionally and be confident in those emotions. It is funny how I can still be friends with most of my ex(es), much to the surprise of many of my friends. ‘How can you still talk to him, him, and him?’ they often ask. I know of friends who have deleted Facebook accounts because their ex flames were all over. The fact is, I am never annoyed with life. Sometimes I surprise myself with this wisdom but it is an attitude that has been rewarding.
I broke up with my ex-es on amicable terms. Sometimes I dumped them, sometimes they did. They were situational. And thank God, the break ups happened because it makes me appreciate what I have now even more. I do not think of the people who came into my lives as assholes because they were not. Of course there were frustrations, heartbreaks and tears and moments I had wished I could hold longer but life is also about what you could not do, not just what you did and could do. Life is happiness and sadness combined, never a bed of roses.
And so when I look back at this year, there were so many happy moments but the ones that I do not wish to relive were the one month of hospital scenes in Delhi when my dear nephew was taken ill. It made me reflect on life so much and brought back memories of Lolo in hospital. Two people who mean the world to me and both in same serious condition. I had anxiety, stress and so much worries on my head. I was traumatised by the thought of losing them and became an emotional slut. The memories break my heart a little, even now. But I prayed, I stayed positive and reposed all my faith on the doctors. It’s when I decided I am going to throw away every negative energy from inside me, no negative thoughts of people, no anger, no rudeness. It takes positive energy to be kind and forgiving, to love and to care. That makes up my percentile of happiness.