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Ramblings On A Cold Noon

I am alone at home right now and my thoughts like my dreams travel to every corner – from the absurd to the ludicrous to the bizarre. I know the day is nearly over and you are on your way. I know how you look forward to coming home, to seeing me, to playing your guitar, to slipping into your comfortable clothing and whinge and laugh about the past eight hours of the day. In turn I do love to open the door and feel the cold tip of your nose.

Five years is a good run. But if I could turn the clock of my life, I could have done without all my ex-es and had you alone in my life. We were so meant to be together. You found love and did not want to wait. Yes, there is sweetness in waiting but you were never the long distance types, you were so sure of the power and strength of your love that you travelled the distance to be with me and I travelled the distance to begin a new life with you. For life, we discovered, is a series of moments lived together, not years of waiting. And you proved to be a man of steel, they were men without balls. 

I don’t know what perfect love is but if someone with all his/her inadequacies makes him/her happy, that is perfection for me. You don’t always make me breakfast in bed, you don’t smother me with I love you(s) in private or public, or shower me with candlenight dinners and gifts (they happen in movies most of the time anyways!) and you don’t think much of anniversaries. And the fact is, I wasn’t looking for any of these. It is hard to conjure up such overwhelming emotion, but I have found my sense of perfection. That is you minus all the romantic idealism because you love me openly, you love me knowing all my secrets and my past, without judging and with the gratitude that I am part of you.

I love how we can talk for hours the vagaries of life. I love how you wear your reactions - when I narrate to you my eerie dreams, when I read a book and get so involved, when I watch a movie or a show on TV that has my cheap tears flowing. And in all these, you understand that I need a vent. 

I worry about so many things and I worry about who will die first – you or me. I wonder what will happen if one of us was to go. I know you had said hello to death from a distance once and God forbid that from happening again. I want to share what is left of our lives and sustain them on the promise that for years and years to come we will continue to be family and home and friend to each other, just as today. 


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