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April Is The Cruellest Month

April is the cruellest month. That is T.S. Eliot in The Wasteland. Ironic that the dust and winds that blow during this time are not the gentlest and the rays of the sun often singe the face. It’s not very pleasant. I hadn’t thought to think of April this way, though. But it has its ways of bringing a certain, unsettling feeling. I was at the crossroads of life in the April of 1994. It was a time when I was leaving my favourite summer house, my favourite bunch of intellectual friends and my professors, with whom I shared a great rapport at the university. I was moving into another life beyond a safe periphery.

Life, I imagine, is filled with a certain repetitiveness… I'm suddenly having an accidental slip into nostalgia and with it there is a sinking feeling of a certain apprehension that is not quite to define. Last night, I was witness to a discussion between two lovers -- the passionate (or so I think) and the messy one and the one with multiple obligations that he cannot decide who he wants in life. The conversation has left me depressed. The problem is: I’m running my life in such a safe, meticulous way that I want to escape bad situations. There’s nothing like a messy life!

It was like this. Messy one, say, A calls the other, clearly choking with emotions over a personal tragedy. The other, say, B is not prepared to deal with the outburst of emotion, shows no emotion, and makes no bones about his indifference. A persists with the drama and then exits the scene. B struggles to balance between hate and sympathy. Where did all the love and attraction that was there during courtship flow out? There is no ‘us’ here. When I see how mad some people are for each other, I look to recreate that excitement in my own relationship. When I see otherwise, I get depressed in exactly the same quantum.

Why am I talking about this? I guess the person I am gives in more to such details in life than other things. God made man and woman different for a lot of reasons but he also made them for this specific reason -- for the guy to always say, “I am just a guy and sex is all I need”, and for the girl to always say, “ I am girl and I want to be adored forever.” And this is the story that is forever braided in the relationship between a man and a woman. Seventy per cent of relationships is lost in battling this reason which is so simple but so hard to fathom. Indeed, April brings the cruelest of thoughts!


Shanti Thokchom said…
nangi lappy do yonthokhrabro? online dukan thorakte haisi asigi oiraboire ibemma? marak marak tadi pao adum phaorak u keino!miss yamna touve .....nangna eikhoibu karisu khanbidrasu!!
Anonymous said…
I guess guys are always like that and girls are always emotional.And
I guess everyone faces hardship when they end their relationship and when it specially brings back memories and its just not April just because the wind is not gentle and the rays of the sun singe on the face, it can be any month.What about autumn when all the leaves falls leaving only the bare tree?

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