Skip to main content

April Is The Cruellest Month

April is the cruellest month. That is T.S. Eliot in The Wasteland. Ironic that the dust and winds that blow during this time are not the gentlest and the rays of the sun often singe the face. It’s not very pleasant. I hadn’t thought to think of April this way, though. But it has its ways of bringing a certain, unsettling feeling. I was at the crossroads of life in the April of 1994. It was a time when I was leaving my favourite summer house, my favourite bunch of intellectual friends and my professors, with whom I shared a great rapport at the university. I was moving into another life beyond a safe periphery.

Life, I imagine, is filled with a certain repetitiveness… I'm suddenly having an accidental slip into nostalgia and with it there is a sinking feeling of a certain apprehension that is not quite to define. Last night, I was witness to a discussion between two lovers -- the passionate (or so I think) and the messy one and the one with multiple obligations that he cannot decide who he wants in life. The conversation has left me depressed. The problem is: I’m running my life in such a safe, meticulous way that I want to escape bad situations. There’s nothing like a messy life!

It was like this. Messy one, say, A calls the other, clearly choking with emotions over a personal tragedy. The other, say, B is not prepared to deal with the outburst of emotion, shows no emotion, and makes no bones about his indifference. A persists with the drama and then exits the scene. B struggles to balance between hate and sympathy. Where did all the love and attraction that was there during courtship flow out? There is no ‘us’ here. When I see how mad some people are for each other, I look to recreate that excitement in my own relationship. When I see otherwise, I get depressed in exactly the same quantum.

Why am I talking about this? I guess the person I am gives in more to such details in life than other things. God made man and woman different for a lot of reasons but he also made them for this specific reason -- for the guy to always say, “I am just a guy and sex is all I need”, and for the girl to always say, “ I am girl and I want to be adored forever.” And this is the story that is forever braided in the relationship between a man and a woman. Seventy per cent of relationships is lost in battling this reason which is so simple but so hard to fathom. Indeed, April brings the cruelest of thoughts!


Shanti Thokchom said…
nangi lappy do yonthokhrabro? online dukan thorakte haisi asigi oiraboire ibemma? marak marak tadi pao adum phaorak u keino!miss yamna touve .....nangna eikhoibu karisu khanbidrasu!!
Anonymous said…
I guess guys are always like that and girls are always emotional.And
I guess everyone faces hardship when they end their relationship and when it specially brings back memories and its just not April just because the wind is not gentle and the rays of the sun singe on the face, it can be any month.What about autumn when all the leaves falls leaving only the bare tree?

Popular posts from this blog

A Mad Man Or A Boor

What does one do when one encounters a mad dog? Or what does one do when one encounters a man with pre-fixed notions about everything in life, most specifically of women who live alone and give him some importance? The two are equivalent to me and basic intelligence says avoid the paths they tread like plague. But I chose to tackle them head on. I almost got rabbies. The mad man said [sic] " You sound like a very desperate person. A single and frustrated woman who is looking for anyone to leave a comment on your blog so much so that you wouldn't even spare a spammer ." Spammer being, the first comment on the previous post is apparently a spam, an advert for T-shirts. Bummer! I thought it was a handsome Spaniard or Latino, so I had replied "Hi Rodrigo", hoping to take the conversation forward offline. Anyway! All this the mad man found out. I didnt. Sure, I dig comments because I love the spontaneity and intelligence of my friends. And I didn't invite the ma


Two million people at the National Mall in Washington alone. The world watched too as Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. So did I. I rudely cut roomie's soap operas and switched to CNN to witness history being created. Some day I may live to tell the tale of how Barack, the much touted Afro-American President of the United States, stumbled with his swearing-in oath. I was a bit disappointed as I watched the man who had run the most successful of election campaigns, the man who Americans were pinning their hopes on, take his oath. Clearly, he was under too much of a pressure to be the best. So before Chief Justice John Roberts could complete the first sentence, there was Obama abruptly breaking out into his first names... " I Barack Hussein Obama.." and then waited for the judge to complete the sentence.. The next line was even taxing. He stopped short after two words... " That I will excute ..." and then Justice Roberts cont

The Churn

11 am: There I was bang on time at work, perhaps, in a long time. The occasion: a meeting called by the top boss and compulsory attendance required. I am, as always, out of the loop. Reason being there is always so much happening in my life that I am always behind everything. That does not mean I fail to deliver! And unlike some people who are truly into perception management (will delve on it later) and are such repository for all 'inside news', office gossip and politics least interest me. I mean, who cares if someone is quitting for some place else or is having an affair with so and so, or is being transferred unless that person happens to be someone I am generally fond of. Maybe then I would have been privy to some of the classified information ahem... So, was I in for shock today? The meeting was sombre and had a full house attendance. And then our top boss spilled the beans. Three of the men at the helm were either quitting or were assuming other responsibilities and a n