Judgmental

Sometimes my own thoughts scare me... I see a tomboy and think there comes another gay. I see a fat woman on the street and think, here is a lazy bone on a desi ghee diet. I see an unkempt person and I assume, this one feels miserable about life and couldn't care about appearances... Well I try not to go beyond this, but being me has its traits.

Some days ago, I was chatting with a buddy. Buddy asks, "do you still keep in touch with your ex?" I replied, "yes". He answered, "I don't know how you do it." My reply, "not everyone can keep relationships healthy." His remark, "you are the sentu types who can't let go." I logged off. We haven't spoken since. I didn't know what to make of this last sentence. So, when the table was turned around and I was judged, I just didn't like it.

The point is, I hate it when anything becomes a subject of character or moral judgement. So I have friends who are married and have boyfriends and they confide in me because I dont judge them. Sometimes I am their alibi if they have to go on a date. "The lies they spin and the web they weave", but at the end of the day, it's their life whether I morally agree with them or not. I like them individually and because they have two or three love lives at one time, I cannot choose to dislike them. That's their personal roadmap. The fact remains, they are my friends.

I guess our jugdgemental-ness stems from the way we are all brought up. It begins with your folks telling you, "oh we don't want to see you hanging around often with so and so, because she has a string of boyfriends," or because "he is a flirt." And therefore, you see, you can be influenced by the wrong people, never mind if she is a topper in the class. Parents are petrified of their children being morally spoilt and their check posts begin with judging your friend on the number of guy friends she has, even if she is not dating any one of them.

This is a universal parental trait I guess. When Upasna, my Canadian friend of Indian origin, told me how her parents are still reeling in the shock of her elder sister getting married to a white guy and how her life is more miserable now because of their extra strict ways, I thought, Indians, particularly, add a new dimension to moral judgemental-ness (the -ness is because I am not sure if there is such a word :) They sure add an emotional layer of energy, too, to the word!