You turned 16
The bittersweet aspect of Facebook when it reminds you of
the birthday of your loved one who is no more. Not that I needed a Facebook
reminder. Mihir you turned 16 on March 5, it would have been such a milestone
and a year of celebration had you been around. Hard to imagine you are no
longer with us physically.
It is so hard at times and so difficult to come to terms
with - this existential authenticity of you not being there, you that I want to
hug and kiss and care. You were and our are precious boy loved beyond
definition.
Often I look at your pictures but the more I stare at them
the more I go beyond the realm of understanding. How could it happen? How did
you leave us? Why you? There is not even a drop of hope that I could see you
again. And that becomes a fog in my life, a fog of sadness that lingers in my
heart and refuses to clear away.
When you fell ill, I had mapped out your treatment and knew
it would take time but that you would come around. Because children are
resilient, I grew up believing. If I had some sense of how little time you had
with us, I would have spent every waking moment to nurse you and caress you and
feed you with all the good things you loved in life.
We all face mortality but yours was untimely and I feel
totally dissatisfied that I hadn’t spent enough time with you. Our relationship
was evolving, I wanted to be your best aunt in the years to come, it was not
something impelled by the instinct to do so but by this inexplicable love I had
for you from the moment you were born. Which is why your birthday today is a reminder of
our painful goodbye.
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