I didn't want to talk about Mother's Day. I hate it when I see mothers and children having fun. It's a form of bitter envy because you can't have that in your life for the simple reason that your mom is not there in your life anymore. And nomatter how old you are, a mother's absence from your life is one that will always be stark in its absence, especially if the mother you had was one like mine.
Last Sunday was Mother's Day. Lolo brought flowers for his mom in the morning and gave it to her. I was thinking she would have been one happy person that day. I asked my 70-year old neighbour Lynn as to how she celebrated. She said her daughters took her for wine tasting in the morning, then a sumptuous lunch at noon and then champagne tasting again later in the day. I joked she would have been pretty high by the end of the day. She replied modestly, "I quite enjoyed it all." I could see from the gleam in her eyes how much she enjoyed it all, but exaggeration is not her style.
How lucky, how so lucky, I thought to myself. We built so much hype around brother's day, Valentine's day in India but never around Mother's Day. Not that we need a Mother's Day to shower affections on our moms but even without a mother to shower my affection on I believe there must be one day universally to celebrate Mother's Day. The urge becomes even more desperate for me. You realise the worth of the person who you take for granted each day of your life only when it is too late and she is no more part of your physical life.
If I could unwind time, I would have done a hundred things differently... but those remain thoughts and we awaken to things only when we have lost the opportunities, only when it is too late. And when you awaken, you are filled with nothing but regrets because the time to do those things are over. Death puts a fullstop to everything, except feelings.
Most times I go on with my life and do not realise there is a vital missing link from my life. The routine, the work just fill up the void sometimes but on occasions like these and many others, it is painful to realise that her absence from my life is irreplaceable. I miss hundred and one things about my mom. I miss talking to her inane stuff, I miss laughing with her, I miss sharing the latest gossips, I miss telling her about my new life and the list goes on...