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Life...

Relationships have often been described as beautiful... When I was young it had a cliche definition: "two hearts that beat as one, two souls that think a single thought without even thinking it aloud", and along with it came the fairytale staples from the likes of Anne Mather and Penny Jordan. As a dizzy headed teenager, they served as the ultimate fodder for dreams that slipped in from nowhere.

Looking at women in relationships has been such a learning experience in itself, apart from my own. It's almost like trusting your instincts when it comes to your ilk. The gift of hunch, because a woman's hunch is always right. So I know when a woman is led on in relationships but, often, when you are the one, you fail to recognise the tell-tale signs of danger. It's like mindlessly sorting out things not knowing which should hold where. That's when love becomes blind and dumb too.

And love is blind and dumb for most women. The moment a woman gets into a relationship with a man, untangling it becomes so diffucult that it continues for years and years on end.That's when the whole concept of a relationship as the catalyst to all pains becomes a misnomer. You keep holding on, thinking that the man would change, that the relationship would change for the better, but it never does. Accepting rejection does not come naturally. You email, you wait for months, you get a reply and you start building dreams all over again on that one reply. You try harder to gain acceptance. A woman in every failed relationship tries the hardest. She tries the hardest but seldom self-doubts.

In my quiet moments, I have often thought of women who briefly get into relationships but end up hopelessly falling in love that they commit the ultimate blunder of having a baby because it is the ultimate sign of their love for the man. For all the growth and joy that the relationship briefly offered, giving birth to another life as a symbol of that romance is such a scary thought when the partner is non-commital. Raising the child alone, giving him or her a name, and living alone can cripple the intelligence out of any normal woman. But some women have done it. Perhaps they love more and they can give more and have stumped all the fears of life. Nothing is wrong or right here.

I waste a good part of my life thinking I'd be better off alone than be with someone who cannot commit and communicate -- the emails coming back and forth, the chat lines opened and the phones ringing, the ability to yell, shout scream, and not hold back anything instead of being even tempered and shallow and bogged down by pretences. I suspect long distance romances are good in a way, because the relationship evolves, the emotions get messed up and you have the time and the distance to sort out those bastardly feelings. But then comes the frustrations too. You want to reach out when you make up, you can't, they remain all in the mind. Relationships -- they are something you cannot work through so easily.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I like your whole concept of girls falling in love which becomes so dumb that they end up getting pregnant.They should instead rise in love. A good couple should discuss matters, argue so that they express their feelings and shouldn't hold on because guys are always ready to take advantage. But I would disagree with your concept about long distance relationship because you won't know what your partner is doing in another part of the world.He might be enjoying without your knowledge.

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