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I Am Sad

I am at low ebb right now. After scripting what I thought was a good SOP, I was pretty optimistic about IJE. Now I think, it’s not without reason that I rechristined the SOP to SOB. Some people seem to have all the luck when they set a goal. Not me. I didn't have immense expectations. Still. It's not a good feeling.

OK. This is not career cul de sac. There are other things to look forward to in my life I think, especially towards the yearend. But I was hoping I would have added a feather to my cap before I bid my career a temporary goodbye. For the moment though, it feels naturally sad and a feeling that upsets has the tendency to overstay its welcome. In the midst of all this I am having an intense conversation with a colleague on quality writing and professional life. Talk of a therapeutic effect on the brain. [When all I want to do just now is howl and wince into a little girl till the sobs put me to sleep.]

People cry, even men do, when they put their heart and soul into something and don’t get it. So I am human too. But I am over-reacting. I haven't put my career against some benchmark poll, so this is drama-bazi. Uffff… I am in rambling mode.

And on this pensive trip, I am remembering another buddy's pensive stories today. Mine pales in comparison. He is a sweetheart caught in the wrong side of a relationship but thankfully just over. The silver lining, he said all my advices were bang on, and he perceived gal was taking him for a ride. I wish it happened with the other assholes around. Why do nice people sufffer, albeit temporarily? Complicated long distance relationship, he says at one point, complicated explanations about life and career I say -- the thing people conveniently ascribe to when they don't want to further ties. You need just love and understanding to make a relationship thrive, nothing else. The rest is all bullshit. So my buddy if you are reading this, I am glad you had the courage to dump her and move on. You deserve the best!


Jayant said…
Failure, in any form, tends to have this effect on you. No matter how well you prepare yourself for the worst, when it actually comes, it's always a bad feeling. But hey, shit happens, you gotta live with it. Life has way too many other beautiful things in store for you. Godspeed.
Unknown said…
Hey Indie, God has better plans for you. Like my mum says, whenever you are low think about people who are less fortunate than you are. Of course, this statement sort of hinders your ambition, your career, but it surely gives you peace of mind.
PierreF said…
I remember waiting for something once and i could feel my heart pounding as it came closer.. and then whoosh - it went by and it wasn't coming for me.

I dont know how i felt right then. But i remember feeling quite gutted a little later.

Is there a moral to this story? probably not, except that I'm damn happy with how things turned out. My life would have been very different if that had happened. But then i wouldn't be where I am now... and I don't know if I'd be happy.
Anonymous said…
Hey, Indira. We gotta talk. Dunno the details of what u blogged abt... the admissions. But... sorry to hear abt it. Will be in Delhi in August. We'll catch up then for sure. :)

Take care. Love, Kunal

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