Lets talk about love, every woman's favourite topic. An immediate line that comes to mind is from a novel I read in college. The novel I cannot recall but the words are: "There is something very odd about looking at the rear of a train as it takes away somebody from you..."

Looking at the rear-view mirror of my life, there have been many such painful circumstantial compulsions of saying goodbye. Painful because emotions remain emotions, nomatter the age and the degree. So, dreams have remained only dreams. It began as a 12-year old when I had my first infatuation of a 25-something bloke. Moved on to when I became a university student, my first step in the world of platonic romance, of letter writings and oh those many an Archies' and Hallmark cards. Then time drifted and so did my romance as priorities were about finding a career, of stepping out into the big bad world, and not giving into the societal pressures of getting married young.

Not that I stopped tugging into my heart. As the years passed, I have experienced happiness and turmoil in all its hue. But without getting into the heart of the matter, I know for sure that there is nothing called Mr Right or Miss Right. It's akin to chasing that elusive perfect happiness, accompanied often by pangs of sadness. Ditto about my life, so I hate goodbyes but they come bang in there when I have least prepared for it. Did I ever, even in my wildest of dreams, think that I would be seeing somebody who is 12 years younger? To me, age is a state of the mind, but it also is the reason for this existential crisis. Everything seemed normal. "We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun." But things cannot be where it is. The question of what life will be ten years hence is one I have no answers to.

Perhaps this is what it means: you love and you lose, as the adage goes. But you would ask, being in love and not the age is the reason for being in a relationship, "that he who has a why to live for can bear almost any how". Perhaps. I don't know. So you move on to where none, nothing is waiting. I don't know if there is a right or a wrong here. All I know is that I just drew an emotional closure to a love that grew in secret -- between the shadow and the soul.

1 comment:

surjit said...

ek kashti aur barish ka pani..
tair rahi thi..bhig gai thi..
mast madmauj beh rahi thi..
sahil kahi to mile..
wo kagaaz ki kashti yeh soch rahi thi..

madmast hawaee..barasta pani..
aur ye garajta badaal..
sooraj kahi chip gaya..
chand ka pata nahi..
kis mausam mai janmi..
ose pata nahi..

wo nale ka pani..khoob gehra pani..
aur yeh haryali charoo taraf..
nachti hui..madmast si..
badaloo ke sur mai sur milati hui..
sahil kahi to mile..
wo kagaaz ki kashti yeh soch rahi thi..

kai sare ommidee..kai sare koshishee..
jine ki..
os aaas mai wo sama khojti hui..
bhigi hui..nirasha..aur ek asha..
majhdar kaha hai..kis aur hai..
wo kagaaz ki kashti yeh soch rahi thi..

machalti dhadkane..beshoosh maan liye..
apna samay gin rahi thi..
os aur jana nahi..pani baha le gai..
kab andhera ho gaya..
wo kagaaz ki kashti yeh soch rahi thi..

Video Interviews