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Showing posts from August, 2012

M A D

I have an aunt. She is a spinster. When we were growing up, spending our winter holidays with her at my mom’s village was a bit scary. She would get angry at the drop of a hat, she would be laughing to herself at the backyard or she would be dancing in gay abandon. I had even seen her engaging in deep conversations with an invisible company.  There was a mystery surrounding her. 

Every morning, she would run to the wooden gate with a white envelope which contained a letter for a man, we were told, she fancied. She would wait for any passer-by to oblige her. “Please post this for me,” she would beg strangers as she handed out coins for the postage stamps. I wonder why we never secretly read her letters to demystify her a bit. But then, like I said, we were petrified of her.
My grandmother told us many stories about how she became ill. One theory was that few relatives were so jealous of her that they used black magic so that she never became successful in her studies or anything she pu…

No Name Post

There is a thin line separating sanity from insanity - my mental experience, of late, tells me that. My little nephew is ill and I am worried sick. Sometimes I have the ugliest of thoughts and they just keep pushing their way to become trapped in the recesses of my mind. I feel frustrated because I want to stop those thoughts from coming but my mind just has no control. I sweat, I chew gum, I chant mantras. Is this anxiety? Is this stress? I don’t want insanity attached to my identity. How frightening is that.

I talk about it to my friends and we come up with different theories. Perhaps the loss of my mother has been so traumatic and deep seated that I am unable to handle any form of sadness. Perhaps I have been anxious all my life that any incident triggers off a form of restlessness. Perhaps I am just so pessimistic that I focus only on the negative thoughts. Perhaps I need to work on some coping mechanism. 
And in times like this I become even more superstitious. I am the one who u…

Free Love

I open my backlog of weekend newspapers having been away and enjoy going through the spread of magazines and supplements with my morning cup of tea. A cover story on Spectrum, my favourite Saturday supplement of The Age, catches my attention. Titled ‘Between The Sheets’, it is as the synopsis says about how the new sexual revolution is wrecking lives. I read the article with utmost interest but I find it is not so much about extra marital affairs or one-night stands or free love or liberation, but the article is more about the fact that people don’t talk about sex, that they don’t have someone they feel comfortable enough to talk about it especially when they have a problem! So, they talk about “about bullshit or fantasy stuff”.My exposure to sex on India television when growing up was watching two flowers bobbing together to depict any kissing scenes between two lovers. That was the high. Then came a bit of boldness with time and we did see a few kisses on screen, you know real lip l…